It is so amazing to look back and see ones own evolution. As I am transferring old blogs to this new one I came across two Valentine's day Blogs. This one from 2011:
February 14, 2011
On this Valentines day, 2011, most of the day I celebrated all the tremendous love in my life. Friends, family and the witnessing of the love of my many friends that are in gorgeous partnerships. It wasn't till I was driving home (from a very satisfying day in my Yoga teacher training with Christy Marsden) in thick traffic full of people heading out to celebrate with their lovers, that I began to feel a deep sadness well up in me. I am no stranger to being single, and in fact have been single more than not most of my adult life. I have grown accustomed to feeling varying degrees of alone-ness, and actually love has always been a little mixed with sadness for me. Usually, though, I tend to sink into feeling sorry for myself a bit, or conversely, burying the emotion entirely. This time, rather than talk myself out of the feeling, I let it be and breathed into it.
After only a few moments I recognized that the TONE of my emotion has changed. There is now a beauty to my sadness. Where once, I felt despair and jealousy of others romantic success (when compared to my relative romantic failures), this new percolation of emotion feels more like a soft yearning. The rooted and whole desire of a strong and capable WOMAN, ready to be utterly TAKEN by a competent man. No longer the tantrums of a child wishing to be loved, but a woman full of love and yearning to burst under the skillful touch of a powerful man.
Most of my dating life I have rejected overt romance, thinking I was a woman that didn't NEED all the "frivolous" gestures that seemed to annoy most men. Flowers, remembering birthdays, surprises and gifts. I dated only one man that was "romantic" in these ways and I rejected it. Clearly I hadn't yet learned to joys of receiving! I have come to find out that I have a VERY romantic and soft heart that does indeed desire to be cherished by a sexy and inventive man... Flowers on my pillow, candles lit and a bath drawn when I come home, ravishing me in a deserted hallway on the way back from dinner, surprise weekends away to somewhere delicious. I am ready to cherish and be cherished, to surrender and be taken, to RISE into an expansive love affair. So, even as I feel the sadness of being sans lover, I CELEBRATE. For finally.. My heart has matured and ripened into the heart of a WOMAN, ready for her MAN.
Beautiful and an important stepping stone. But I am so relieved to have moved through to embracing my single hood. It will change when it does, till then I enjoy the love that is HERE and NOW! Here is this year's post:
February 14, 2012
In my meditation this Valentines morning I asked Spirit how I can most personify love and really make this my own day of celebration even though I am not currently in a partnership. This is the answer I got:
"Show your joy, send your love to *everyone* you love. Feel your heart expand with no single target and without the hindrance of expectation. What you most want to receive is what is yours to give. Feel the edges of your heart dissolve and become more vast and tender than you could have imagined. Trust *this* space, for it is the truest of LOVE."
After getting this I proceeded to do just that. I sent a message filled with unadulterated love to EVERYONE I love in my life. It took so much time that I actually had to take a break! As I expressed my joy and love to those dear to me, I was filled almost to the level of overwhelm with so much love I was breathing deep and positively swooning with it. It showed me just how much I am surrounded by love and how blessed I truly am. Seriously.. best V day EVER!
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥