Hoopalicious' Blog

A new day.

I made a big announcement on Facebook a few days ago. A decision that has been a long time coming. I am selling Hoop Revolution. I don't make this choice lightly. I wanted to dive in a little deeper so you may understand where I am coming from!

In the days after the Kyle Cease weekend (an amazing offering, park comedy part transformation), I find myself feeling clear, present and with a new sense of myself. Not the self we normally talk about, on the level of personality and identity, but the deep self. The hidden self that is the CORE of us… the inner Self with a capitol S that is the source of our joy, intuition and love. Over the last 7 years, maybe longer, I have struggled to know what it is I am supposed to do in life, what is my purpose and am I living it or is it yet to be found? On the surface I had it all figured out. 20 years ago I unwittingly started a hoop dance movement and have cultivated a certain standing in an amazing community. I traveled the world, touched many lives and was strong and healthy. I laughed a lot and most people probably thought I just had the perfect life. Underneath that was a person that felt lost, alone and uncertain about her future. I didn’t recognize for quite some time, that even though the shoes I was wearing were fabulous and everyone remarked on them, I had outgrown them.

on stage at America's got Talent

So here I am, outwardly living this free spirited life where my only mission is to hula hoop and spread the love of hooping to the world, but inside I was miserable. How to reconcile that something so fun and amazing could be stifling me? While my hoop dance mission was in full alignment for about 13 of the 20 years I have been hooping, in the last 7 I have been feeling the calling to do something else and actively, like white knuckled and teeth bared, resisting it. I recognize that my original intention for hoop dance had been realized. My dream was to spread the art of hoop dance far and wide. I wanted it to be a “thing”. And now it is! Amazing. But when you do something for so long it can be hard to imagine what else you could do. Plus, there were many things that kept me from letting go that were positive. I LOVE my hooper friends and community. I LOVE hooping. I LOVE being with people in celebration and connection. I LOVE being in a room of open hearted people, who love to just move their bodies to music and play. I also had gotten accustomed to being received in the beautiful way that I am received in this community… so much automatic love, respect and high standing. I admit, I had become deeply attached to being Hoopalicious. She was pretty fun, after all ;) When feeling the pull of my heart to close that chapter and move into the unknown, I worried that I would be rejected. I was afraid that my people wouldn’t be interested if my offering wasn’t about hoop dance. Most of all I felt the pain of letting go of an old identity that had become safe and familiar. Wrapped up in that identity was my youthful attractiveness, the label of being an “original” and my talent. For 7 whole long years (in a nutshell), I made the attachment to who I had been, more important than what my heart was calling me to do and more important than recognizing that my life was a mess and needed triage. The longer I tried to make Hoop Revolution “work”, the less money I made, the fewer people I got in my classes and more exhausted I felt. I was hitting my head against a brick wall trying to resurrect the giant of my past.

hoopalicious feeling bad ass

So finally, in a single moment, I let go.

In letting go, all the fears, worries and doubts dissolved like magic (I credit an exercise in Kyle Ceases workshop directly for this). The pieces are still in the air but I don’t feel the old stress about it. What does this mean practically and for my students? I still believe in the importance of movement for mental, spiritual and physical well being and the hoop is so magic for that! So, I am still teaching at a couple events; Hoop Camp and my own retreat in Costa Rica. I may keep my Wednesday night hoop class going but just move it to my house and perhaps let it be a weekly jam (instead of a class) so I get my hoop fix with my sweet LA hoop family. I am still finishing the next iteration of the EcoHoop, to be sold with Hoop Revolution. I will still have Hoop Booty pants to sell (coming in the next week!). Other than that, It’s all in the air! I will be driving for Lyft to make ends meet in the interim between the old and the new (that in itself was an important humbling… Hoopalicious?? Driving for lyft?? Ha!) .

Self reflection is key!

I know now that the chapter of my life revolving around hoops is over (see what I did there?) and that the hoop will be a sweet part of a larger whole. I know that I am entering into a new space of authenticity. That in relaxing into what is trying to emerge, even though I don’t know what it is yet, I jump into the flow of life. With no more restrictions or bids to control, my creativity can find new voice. In writing, speaking, movement and ??? I feel a time that I follow my hearts calling even if it doesn’t make sense or other people don’t understand. I guess in this way, I again find myself a pioneer… this time, a pioneer of my own life. 

 

 

Comments

Caitlin

Brave and beautiful as always. All luck.

May 30 2017 at 12:05 PM

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