Today I found myself struggling to accomplish my daily new habits of meditation, movement practice, visioning and blogging. As I wrestled with my resistance, at some points feeling like I just wanted to run away screaming, I realized something. I realized that while I began this from a desire to set these new habits in for the betterment of myself and my life, that the accomplishment of these new habits isn't the REAL prize. Goals and desires will come and go, but the ability to face what needs to be faced within oneself to ACCOMPLISH your ever shifting goals is GOLD. This ability, to look at your resistance square in it's metaphorical face and to move forward anyway, will serve you in more ways than can be counted.
As someone who has long struggled with being disciplined and felt varying degrees of lost most of my life, feeling the cultivation of tenacity and courage within me is exciting to say the least. By setting real, definable and specific goals, order has been created out of chaos. In defining what I am moving towards, there is a sense of a deeper understanding of where I am in space. I am struggling a bit to articulate this as its very nature is ephemeral, but I am going to do my best.
Our lives are full of nearly infinite choices, if you account for the seemingly small choices, not just the big ones like career and such. Every moment of every day has infinite variabilities... What you will say, how you will react to something, sit or stand, walk or run, left or right and so on (and on and on). If we don't set some kind of real and inarguable parameters/actionable goals for ourselves, it can amount to mere random chaos. No wonder it is so easy to feel lost. It's great to think about what we want to do, but until we set a defined action in place, we won't move towards our goals and continue to make random choices.. creating more of a feeling of chaos and groundlessness. If we want to grow into greater versions of ourselves beyond what we are currently living, we need a structure in the midst of infinitude to bump up against. Here is a small example of setting precise goals with real ramifications in time and space; ie I am going to run for 20 minutes at 8 am every day for 100 days. Setting a time of day, amount of time and specific action gives us the structure of a new road map. These kinds of tangible goals, if followed impeccably, radiate out to inform our daily choices. If you are committing to running every day for 20 minutes at 8am, you will find that you will have to say no to going out too late. You will have to get up earlier. You probably won't be able to drink too much alcohol or engage in other energy depleting activities either. What happens when you have to start saying no to things? You get to see all the addicted, needy and dysfunctional parts of yourself come into the light of day... yay! heh ;) Or you will have to run anyway, even if you are hung over or didn't get enough sleep. What then? You will have to face the part of you that wants to throw in the towel or complain about everything. Without a specific, non negotiable goal, those parts of us that really really REALLY need to be dealt with for full health and vitality, might remain hidden in the sea of ambiguity that is life lived by accident. On the flip side, bumping up against the the new structure of a goal your are devoted to reaching will cause you to develop practical abilities like time management, saying no to distraction, courage and dedication. In this way, one seemingly small goal can reformulate your entire life and even alter the fabric of who you are.
So, it seems, the flavor of your goal is not so important than that you have one... and take action to move towards it. The goal may be shiny, and it better be to keep you moving towards it, but the real gift is who you will have to become to get there.
as always, we are all in this together!